trivking_64 (trivking_64) wrote in coldphoenix,
trivking_64
trivking_64
coldphoenix

A LOVELY DAY

A LOVELY DAY
(T. Beechey)

He awoke that morning --- dreary and drizzling --- and already over a half-hour late
When he went out he found his car's tires slashed,his mind became consumed with hate
Who had done this? The rotten bastards! They better pray they're never revealed
Or else they'll spend their remaining days with wounds that never fully healed!

He wanted to scream,he wanted to shout,he wanted to kill...and even more
But all he did was let out a sigh as he went back in through the front door
He called his boss who said he'd be fired if he was to miss another day
What could he do? He had to walk the five blocks to work,there was no other way

Out the door he started,grumbling and groaning,cursing the world and all it contained
Kicking the stones,stomping and tramping as,upon his head,it steadily rained
What was the sense? It seemed so pointless,day after day in the same old rut
And nothing ever seemed to matter --- no matter where,no matter what

But,as he walked,he noticed the flowers that grew upwards through sidewalk cracks
He watched the squirrels scurry limb to limb and saw,on the ground,the criscrossing tracks
Of creatures which scampered to and fro and he marveled at the sights of birds
Building their nests and taking to flight...it was beyond any thoughts or words

Suddenly,as if by magic,he felt within a burst of pep
A smile slowly formed upon his lips and now there was a spring to his step
He started to run and dance as he whistled a lofty tune he long ago knew
And,just as he was rounding the corner,that sneaky old sun came bursting through

All at once he felt like crying,so overcome was he with joy
He felt refreshed,renewed,alive with all the passion of a lovestruck boy
And,as he reached his place of business,just to himself he softly did call:
"It truly is a lovely day"...as the bullet smashed into the back of his skull
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Very pessimistic, slightly subversive, a pretty good peom if it is but in my opinion, the style of writing you use is quite cliched. You don't have to structure the whole peom in rhyming couplets even Shakespeare doesn't even do that. However the idea is very original and nicely executed.

P.S. I am not normally like a fucking critic. Don't get the wrong impression of me.